>OF FIRST TIMES AND BEYOND – PART II
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Written: April 2 2011
It was one hell of a month. Right now, I honestly feel like I’m writing a Last Will and Testament. I feel there’s really something bad that’s going to happen to me. I don’t know what for the time being, but let’s not focus on that, shall we? I’m sure some of our instincts may be wrong.
Okay. I will start this by saying that this is the first time:
1) I’m writing a blog/journal on a notebook ( Yup, with a pen and paper. But for now as you’re reading this, I had already typed them in, so it’s no longer written on paper) since my laptop gave up on the 2nd week of March. I haven’t gotten the time to have it fixed after having it reformatted for the first time. You’ll know why as we move along.
So going back to writing on a paper, the last time I did this was when I still own a diary which I only fill up whenever I have a heartbreak or some sort of a secret that only me and those colorful pages knew. I haven’t filled it much, though.
2) Out of all the medical procedures done on/in me, (believe it, it’s a lot), it was only last March 29 when this nurse conducted my 2D Echo Test, and actually prayed for me before she started. I felt goose bumps all over my body, and I know she felt and saw it ‘coz I was just wearing a very thin lab gown where the front part was open. Now, before you think of anything malicious about that, or imagine what the nurse could’ve seen, I tell you that I was fine with it, because the front needs to be open and my chest needs to be exposed because that’s where she’ll run the test. Alright? So stop those imaginations running. 
As I was saying, she prayed, so I felt blessed and actually thought she was one of the angels, God sent me. Because when I got back to that same clinic today for another test, I asked for her and she was gone. Too bad I wasn’t able to catch her name then. I could’ve included her in my prayers too. Okay, maybe it was not her shift today that’s why I didn’t see her. But I still feel she was God-sent. I just hope all nurses/doctors do that (pray with their patient before beginning any medical procedures – except of course in emergency cases. Well, praying in the mind will do too. I know most people do this). It feels good and it lessens the nervousness in a patient.
3) Now that I mentioned about medical procedures done on/in me, I would like to let you know that it was the first time I got sick like this in a span of one month. I was sent home by our clinic doctor for days (despite my persistence to go back and work). Fever, cough and colds just kept coming back, added by severe chest pains that I only felt occasional since college. It was last March that those chest pains reoccurred for more than once in a day. I felt so terrified; I might die having short breaths. So I finally decided to let doctors check on it. I really didn’t mind those pains before ‘coz it was just seconds, then it goes off. This time, when that pain attacks, it takes 3 to 5 minutes to subside. It was alarming.
I thought my fear will subside after hearing my cardiologist say I have nothing to worry about ‘coz these instances don’t happen on my age bracket, but it made me think worse. What if I’ll be the very first case she’ll handle with this kind of situation? Now that she moved the test result from Wednesday to Friday of next week, does that mean, it takes that much longer time to study what that 2D Echo machine presented? More than a week’s time? It gets me more nervous. Of course I wanted to know what’s wrong with me. If it won’t be ASAP, at least get my hopes up that I’m fine. But until now, I’m not (I even had another attack earlier this day as I type this – dated April 3 2011). I won’t be fine ‘til I hear from her. And I’m always terrified because every time I go to sleep, I’m always awakened by the pain in the middle of the night.
Even if I don’t think about it, even if I get myself relaxed by emptying my mind, even if I get myself to sleep with the required hours we should get, even if I eat the right meals at the right time, nothing helps me ‘til I figure it out. Those doctors I consulted only said one thing: “You don’t have to worry. This doesn’t normally happen to people your age.” Yeah, I wish not to worry. But I don’t want to find out that it’s too late, and that I would be considered in a True Story Movie just like, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” – only with my name on it.
Yeah, my imagination is running wild now. You may say I’m over thinking. But you can’t blame me. After taking in all sorts of medicines in my body, it helped me imagine that much. Or maybe, I just tend to create “happy thoughts” in a difficult or hurting situation like this (being not able to work for more than a week now). I know everything happens for a reason. So while I’m waiting for that reason, I just tend to let my mind wander.
4) It was the first time that some of my left body parts felt tortured. Twice of getting blood and injected on the same spot on my left arm, left breast hurt so bad while that nurse who prayed for me ran the little machine on it. For those of you who don’t know how the 2D Echo Test is done, its jut like getting an ultrasound for pregnant women. So that thing they use where they put gel on , and run on those mothers’ tummies was like the same thing used on me. Only that she ran it on my left breast to inspect my heart and the muscles on it.
5) On a lighter side, though, I finally finished my third dose of medicine for HPV (Human papillomavirus). And it was always injected in my left arm – again. I’m happy after having it, ‘coz I really felt safe this time, after knowing all different diseases a woman can get, I feel protected. But of course, nothing is safer than having ‘safe sex’, or just abstain on it, if you’re still not ready to have a baby.
6) I enrolled for the first time in an Acting Workshop for Film, under Lunar Saints Production. I never expected, that little enrollment fee would go a long way, had given more opportunities and have given much priority to each and every one of us – their students, as much as it may have cost a mainstream production group to conduct their own. I never expected that a 3,000 pesos is worth that much time and effort each member of the group has to share whenever the class starts. For me, with all honesty, I would have started with around P5,000.00 or up, considering the intensity of teaching and hands-on activities that they provide. Indeed, no cents were ever wasted. I’m glad to know that there are still people who cared this much to those, who all wanted was to either gain more experience, just enhance what they have initially learned back stage, or just merely add-on their first time experiences list.
7) It was a first, feeling hopeless without someone beside you get through a tough situation. I’m not saying I wish I have a man to take care of me, but, yeah, maybe I’m wishing for it. I won’t pretend that I don’t need anyone, and that I am that independent. But admit it or not, at one time or another, an independent woman will wish for a companion. An independent woman can never be too strong, ‘til she finds out that there’s someone out there waiting for her to come home and wishes her well (I think this goes with Men too). Of course there are called Friends who stay for you. But nothing compares to having a man stand by you through thick and thin. For me, I find it so fulfilling when I get to share my hopes, dreams, goals – even my darkest secrets and happiest moments with the opposite sex. Hearing them do the same for me, is even more heart-warming.
But as I said, it was just a first time feeling of hopelessness. Maybe it occurred after seeing all married couples, mother-son, father-daughter, young couples; inside that medical clinic, up to my way outside, up to the jeepney where I rode back home. But that’s alright. I’m still up for God’s perfect time of course. For now, I’ll just keep on singing this song in my mind after hearing it over and over again on the radio this day:
“…How does he laugh, how does he cry? What’s the color of his eye?
Does he even realize I’m here?
Where is he, where is he, where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he, who is he, who’s gonna take me so high?
Where is he, where is he, where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he, who is he, who’s gonna take me so high?
Nanana-nananana
Nanana-nanaaa…
Nanana-nananana …”
Well, alright. I’ll end the list with that song. Just so you know, I’m not writing this stuff to get pity from anyone. I don’t need it. It just so happen that, that’s what blogging / writing a journal is all about – expressing yourself. It’s like I’ve allowed people to get into my life-book. And I feel honored to know that people take time to read my musings. This has always been a part of me – sharing my thoughts to people, and life experiences. ‘Coz I know, in one planet or another, there is someone out there, who could’ve been experiencing / have experienced the same things I did.
When a Director asked me during one of our ‘Revelations session’, “What makes me happy?” I said, “Whenever I’m in front of an audience performing, I feel happy. When I am with people who appreciates my craft and have the same passion I have with Arts, I am happy. When I am surrounded by people who will do everything to achieve what they really want in life, it makes me happy. And whenever I get to share my experiences to people, see the outcome on them, or just hear from them that they learned from me, it makes me happy.” Somehow, I wanted people to remember me that way.
And writing this by the way is another of those happiest moments in my life. I’m glad to have shared this with you.
Be safe now everyone. ‘Til my next post.
Ciao!
OF FIRST TIMES AND BEYOND
(In memory of my 27th birthday)
Photo taken by Justine Balanag
February 13 2011
After so many failed planned vacation leaves, it was only this year that I was able to maximize the days I intended for my celebration. It all started last Sunday before Valentine’s Day when I got my free cake and boxes of assorted polvoron (my favorite) from Goldilocks and was able to gather my family and some relatives in Marikina. It was just a simple, yet meaningful celebration, because there’s nothing compared to the sound of children’s laughter whenever they see a candle blown on a birthday cake. As I described my birthday album on my facebook account, I found it funny because it took 3rounds before I was able to blow my own birthday candle. The first was done by my brother’s son – Nash Gabrielle, followed by my half sister – Althea Faye. And since that was the very first candle I have to blow after so many years of not having one, I forgot to make a wish. I don’t even remember when I should make a wish – before or after I blow the candle? Haha.
February 22-25 2011
Four days, three nights stay in Coron, Palawan
When I found out that there’s a promo fare to Coron and was scheduled for February, I immediately agreed to come along. I told myself to give it a shot and see what fate presents to me on that day. I realized that it was my very first out of town trip (by plane) with some of my high school friends – Justine and Denisse, together with Alfie (Denisse’s boyfriend) and two of our new found friends, Tia and Candy. I’ll tell more specific adventures we had on my later post. So just stand by.
Anyway, another first for me was eating on the boat while traveling from one island to another. Oh, when I say we “ate”, it’s not the normal chips and crackers thing you have whenever you’re in the middle of the ocean. They were actual meals cooked by the boatmen, fresh from the sea (huge Crabs, Fish, Pusit – just to name a few). They cook really well and the food is so yummy!
Another first was when my sunglasses broke on our 2nd day, when we were on our way to Calauit Island: Safari. Just imagine how many hours we were walking on that huge acres of land to see each animal (following the tour guide like we were on an elementary fieldtrip or something), under the freaking heat of the sun without sunglasses on. To be honest, though, I kept on asking myself that time (in the back of my mind), “Can I just sit and watch the National Geographic Channel instead of walking with you guys?” Had they reserved an alternative truck for tourists, if what they originally have gets malfunctioned, we would have all been fine gazing through the field not minding the heat. Tsk, tsk, booooo! I love the giraffes, horses and zebras, though.
Anyway, lesson learned: I won’t buy a ninety-nine pesos worth of sunglasses any longer so it won’t break after a day of use. Crap!
It was my first time to wear a real 2-piece bikini (despite my big figure). And it was not a two-piece outfit like shorts and a top, which I always wear before, when I have a nice figure to flaunt. How ironic.
It was a first when I get to eat on my own pace without having someone rush me to finish my food; and live somewhat like a real survivor in an isolated island when we stayed overnight in Castaway – wherein your only companion is the sound of the waves, and the cool breeze on your face. Electricity’s off during the day, and only a generator helps you get through the night. The only difference is, they served our food. We didn’t need to hunt to get something to eat. It’s like living in a paradise – without a special someone beside you *sigh* hehe.
Visiting 8 islands in one day (on exactly my birth day, the 24th) was another first. Snorkeling, swimming, trekking – name it, we did it. You can just imagine how exhausted we were at the end of the day. But we didn’t mind. We still managed to get a tricycle to drive us to Maquinit Hot Springs and give our tired bodies, a much needed break.
Our 4th morning was just a preparation to our flight back to Manila, so there’s nothing much that happened. Denisse just pointed a cute tree, though, while we’re inside the van going to the airport. It was alone in the middle of the field and it was a very pretty tree like what I see on children’s books when I was a kid, or a movie-like scene in need of a great nature’s background. It was amazing. Do you remember this phrase: “Living in a greener pasture?” The feeling was like that, only in the literal sense, because you are surrounded by green trees
Finally, it was a first having to trek 6 times, on different locations, when all we wanted was just to swim and snorkel. Mind you, we even trekked inside NAIA when all their escalators didn’t work when we arrived. Crazy, but super fun! 
Thank you, Lord, for keeping us all safe on this blessed trip; thank you for introducing us to thoughtful and hospitable people of Coron; thank you for creating such wonderful and amazing islands; and thank you for allowing these people (Justine, Denisse, Alfie, Tia and Candy) to share their time and part of their lives with me as I celebrate another year of blissful existence. Thank you too, for all of you who extended warm greetings and wishes.
I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me, next year
For now, I’ll continue living each day and each passing hour in God’s grace.
Confession of a Dreamer
For the past years, all I wanted was just to be able to perform in front of an audience. I don’t know what got into me, because I had a sudden change of mind. This time, I wanted not just to be able to perform, but learn more about my passion and be able to teach or share them to people.
This realization came when I got tired of searching for possible career advancements in my chosen field and saw numerous people who have potential to improve on their God-given talents. I’m not trying to be a talent manager or something. This time, I want to go back studying. I wanted to take my Masters in Performing Arts/Theater — in a different country.
I don’t know why I wanted to leave, all I know is that I want to know how it feels like studying in a different setting and how to live life outside of my birthland.
I know that for some, they’ll say it’s too late. Ask, “why just now? why start now?”. I already hear people tell me that it’s not worth the shot, because living in another country, considering their cost of living and such, is much worse than staying here. I wouldn’t give them a second to think of more questions ‘coz I will just say, “Why Not?” For me, nothing is too late – until I give up. And giving up, will never be in my vocabulary.
I admit, though, that I don’t know where to start. This will be my very first time to do something on my own that I have never done in the past. I mean, I travel. Yes. But not internationally. This will be my first time to go out of my comfort zone. Of course I know I needed to fix my papers, get a passport and apply for a Visa and such, but I know I needed more help.
Living in another country, alone, and no one to talk to or be with, is one hell of a fun ride for me. Fun in the sense that I get to challenge myself to deal with different types of people, befriend any good or bad person that come my way. Fun in the sense that I will no longer have the same routine of just relying on one or two person’s idea on something. Fun in the sense that I will not be committed to just a single person’s routine itself.
But it’s difficult, most especially if I have no idea of where to go.
I’ve been doing my research for like 3 months now. Searching for schools who can grant financial assistance for an International Student like me. Submitted resumes to possible goups/organizations who might hopefully read it and consider my portfolio. And since then, I haven’t gotten any response.
It’s indeed true, as I read through some international student’s blogsites that the only pain you’ll get out of this, is waiting.
I won’t deny that I said I needed more help. I won’t pretend that I know everything and that I can just do everything on my own. That’s the reason why I’ve been asking my friends and all the people I know who’s already living out of the country, for any information they could give me on where to go and what to do. That’s the reason why I bury myself online, hoping to get a response from any of them. That’s the reason why I’m not giving up. Because I know, someday, somewhere, there will be someone who can lead me to the right path without worrying of anything else, but me and my chosen life.
As we grow older and wiser, we realize that there are some things that just wouldn’t satisfy our needs. We realize that there are people who were able to reach their goals and achieve their dreams without even going through all the hoops of trials. We realize that there are people who were just blessed with opportunities that they never see it coming.
Unfair as life can be, here I am, finally realizing what I wanted to do in life to serve my purpose — yet I don’t know where to begin.
Crazy, but true.
Rundown of My O’Ten
As I count the hours near the end of 2010, I’ve decided to run through my blessings and activities this past year. Since all I can do right now (alone and sick on New Year’s Eve) is to stay home and get well, I thought of writing down the memorable things that happened to me including the significant people who inspired me in O’ten, and here they are:
JANUARY
I pretty much enjoy the company of different friends. This month, I got a chance to meet with friends whom I’ve known online for years; was able to go to Ecopark for the first time with my Buritos Family to celebrate two of our loving college friends’ 26th birthday; had my godson visit me in my apartment; and was able to attend my earlier Pod Gathering in Torio’s Grill – where I was chosen as the Best CSAT Awardee for 2009.
FEBRUARY
This love month didn’t go well as I thought it would have, since this is also my birthday month. My presence wasn’t there when I was supposed to be a Godmother to one of our college friend’s daughter; my boyfriend back then didn’t spend the Valentine’s Day with me for some lame reason; I was broke on my birthday week when I filed for a VL (vacation leave); and I broke someone’s heart without me knowing he has feelings for me. If I remember it right, the only good thing that happened to me was when instead of having a date on Valentine’s Day, I ended up celebrating the day with my favorite godson, his mom and his mom’s mom. They’re a family to me, so I was glad to go back to Ecopark with them, just relaxed and watch the kid enjoy himself.
MARCH
Another of those so-so months. This was when I found out that my ex was lying to me all along (he even lied about his birth date ‘til I saw the prompt on facebook and that he’s about to leave the country sooner than I expected). He didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye, so I broke up with him. He tried to talk me out of it and visit me in my place, but it’s too late. I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Liars don’t stay long in my memory. So there. I can’t remember anything really good that happened to me this month.
APRIL
If not for a special friend’s wedding, I wouldn’t be able to travel and see the beautiful place of Marinduque, her sweet husband and the beautiful friends of the bride. This was by far, I can say the best vacation I had this 2010. We stayed there for 5days. After which, was a Part 2 getaway to Anawangin, Zambales. Awww…beaches, beaches, beaches. J I love this month!
MAY
This was the month I guess when I started searching for acting workshops or open auditions so I can go back and hone my craft and pursue what I’ve always wanted to do – Act. This was when I attended a workshop guide to beginners in film making, and finally met one of the significant persons who inspired me to pursue my dream – Mr. JP Carpio. I also promised to make myself “busy” from this month on, to let go of the bad vibes. J
JUNE
This month was one of the unforgettable. Aside from relatives and friends who celebrated their birthdays and so with Father’s Day, this was the beginning of my journey towards reaching my goal. I began attending UFO Pintigan Acting Workshop, I was able to audition for CCP’s Tanghalang Pilipino Actor’s Company and auditioned for UP Diliman’s Information for Foreigners.
JULY
I was still busy attending the workshop (under Soliman Cruz and Michael Ian Lomongo) then office work right after. I graduated from the acting workshop at the end of the month, performed in our recital and still on the same day, met another significant person (a great artist – director/actor/singer/dancer/choreographer/writer/composer, all rolled into one – Mr. Njel de Mesa), I even sang with him! J
This was also the month when I found out I passed the audition in UP and will be part of yet again another amazing production under an internationally renowned director Anton Juan. Another unforgettable and happiest month I had this year. J
AUGUST
We had pictorials this month for the show Information for Foreigners; I learned more routes in and out of UP campus than I knew back in college; I learned that no matter how tired and long the hours are for rehearsals, as long as you love what you’re doing, you’ll just be happy and fine.
SEPTEMBER
Oh, dear September. I love you because: of the 7-days show of Information for Foreigners, with very good feedback from the press, guests and audience; because you introduced me to a bunch of talented, amazing and loving people in my IFF family; because we were complete (brothers, sisters and nephews) in celebrating Dad’s birthday; because we (college friends) got together again for Tei’s birthday at Liza’s house; and I still managed to perform and make good scores at work. J
OCTOBER
I was referred for another audition. Though I didn’t make it on the scheduled date, I was glad to be given a second chance for another day. I thought of it as another opportunity given by God, because he knows what my heart longs for. Though I didn’t get the part, I’m still happy for another experience. I even met a pretty girl on that same day, who told me it was her very first time to audition in her entire life and doesn’t have any idea how she’ll make it through. Since it has always been a pleasure for me to share what I learned, I gave her some tips and a few push for her not to back-out and just move on. In the end, I know she made it because the sponsor/judge liked her very much. J So happy for her!
This was also one of my favorite months because opportunities just kept on coming. After the above audition, I received an email in the office that there will be an opening for the Miss Saigon musical play as a Yearend performance and it will be a competition. At first, I told myself that this time, I want to know what it feels like to help backstage and just accompany my team mate who so wanted to be part of the production. Besides, I’m not a good singer or dancer. But friends and some officemates convinced me to join and try out. So there, I made it to the cut and was excited to know the rest of the cast. J
Before the end of this awesome month, I was interviewed for research and became friends with Tia and Didi (both from Indonesia); I met with a high school friend and her Dad, and then wrapped up the month by meeting my co-acting workshoppers from UFO Pintigan Acting Workshop to celebrate a beloved Australian friend (Emma)’s despedida in Centerstage. We had a lot of fun and sang our hearts out in the videoke that night! J I miss these girls.
NOVEMBER
I met up with two new online friends this month; attended another college friend’s bridal shower and enjoyed their company as we dress up for a Masquerade theme and did some pictorials; went out with Mommy, Tito & Katkat and bought or invested on some appliances for myself. Guess my 13th month salary didn’t go to waste this year. Talk about wise spending. Oh, and this was when I had my taste of first time, when I auditioned for an Indie-film J
DECEMBER
I love you December, because: I met a bunch of crazy people in my Saigon Family and learned to love and be inspired by them. You gave me an opportunity to share and teach what I learned on previous workshops I’ve attended. I was able to perform on stage again after so many years. You made me perform in front of my superiors and officemates. You made me enjoy the company’s Yearend Party so bad, that despite some of my stuff were stolen backstage by God-knows-who, I still felt accomplished and fulfilled. And you made our family and relatives closer than ever.
oOo
Despite of my health condition this past year, I was still blessed with great people and great experiences that I’ll surely treasure for the rest of my life. THANK YOU 2010, and THANK YOU for everyone who became a part of my life and made me part of yours. You made my year worthwhile
Have a great 2011! Carpé Diem! ^_^
Blessed and Happy Sunday
When I knew I’d have to take a Saturday shift, I immediately thought of what to do right after so I could maximize the remaining hours of the day. Obviously, I won’t be having the full weekend, so I might as well think of better things to do aside from eat, sleep and log online. So I told myself that right after my shift, why don’t I go and visit the person I always talk to, everyday, and everywhere I am; and finally listen to what He wants to tell me all this time?
So, since last night was my first Saturday, today was my first fully blessed Sunday, and I’m happy. Why? Read on:
1. I went to Church and heard the early Mass. It’s been months since I did.
2. I got inspired with old and young couples hearing Mass together while holding hands
3. I was glad to know that people still make effort to dress properly inside the Church
4. I learned more from today’s Gospel – Giving and saying THANK YOU to all God’s blessings (“Pasasalamat”). We tend to just ask and demand from Him. We hardly say thank you and praise, once we get what we want
and
5. I learned that the reason why we are not happy with our lives is because we keep searching on things/people, that/whom we don’t have or will never have, instead of just be contented with those of which and who are already there.
At the end of the day, I realized that there’s no such thing as “too late”, when it comes to talking and listening to Him. What’s important is for us not to forget that there’s only One person we can trust. And yup, that’s the Man who gave his life for us and died on the cross.
Enjoy your Family Day, guys! =)
**Oh, didn’t I say I’m happy? I am. Nadagdagan pa when I found out that one of my dear friends, just got promoted! Woohoo! Congrats, Denisse!!! Muwah, muwah! God is good!!!**
And look, what day is it today?
10.10.10
^_^
Tag, Your It! (I was tagged on facebook)
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Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You must tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I’d like to know more about you, or you to know more about me (but it’s okay if you don’t take the time … really … {sniffle} … I’ll understand).
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions or a similar facsimile in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people [in the right hand corner of the app] then click publish.) 1. I have this habit of daydreaming halfway through my meal. Though not intentional (things just pop up in my head and make me stop eating), I always end up with a little bit of food left on my plate for a couple of minutes. he he. But don’t worry; I still get to clean up my plate. It just takes a much longer time than usual. 2. I get so irritated every time i hear someone say/shout these words: kapal (with a grin on the face), excuse me?!(Sarcastic voice), stupid, silly, ano?!/huh?!, what???!#% etc. This space will never be enough for my hot buttons. he he 3. I do crazy things just to get myself to sleep. ^_~ 4. I only drink coffee after i get really drunk. 5. I really find it hard to express my feelings in person. I’d rather show them in some other ways you might not have thought of. So the quote, “actions speak louder than words”, just doesn’t work for me at all. U have to watch for and listen to my words than expect to see some actions. That quote for me, is just for the guys. I’m really not that showy. Slight/mild lang. ha-ha. This goes with all types of relationships I deal with. 6. I didn’t know that a kid admires me, til he told me, how he so wanted to be like me — who can type even if my eyes are closed. ^_^ 7. I am actually thinking right now how long it’ll take me to finish this 25 random stuff about me and fill up this notepad — while my customer is on hold on the other line, waiting to be conference over. he he 8. I hate flying cockroaches. hirap habulin para mapatay eh. hehehe 9. I love all types of strawberries. From fruits, to jellies, to key chains, to ice creams, to anything strawberry! ^_^ 10. I am a frustrated model. haha! that’s why I am dreaming to build my own modeling agency someday — who will cater to ladies and gentlemen who were asleep when God bestowed heights to mankind, but are well fit and are confident enough to strut their stuff (from how they carry themselves in public to the clothes they wear). Sponsors are very much welcome. haha ^_~ 11. I also want to teach kids on how to act. I dream of putting up a company for kids/teens’ acting workshop. I just want them to learn and be professional at an early age. Their future will be on their hands. Sharing my experiences have always been considered one of the things I love to do here on earth while I live 12. I honestly am tired of taking calls. But I won’t regret that for every customer I speak with, I keep on learning new things. Learning is the one thing I won’t get tired of. 13. minsan din OC ako. ayoko nakakakita ng mga tambak na hugasan sa lababo. hehe. 14. This is what, my third day filling this freaking’ list up?! haha. di ko pa rin matapos tapos! LOL 15. I miss working out. mukhang matatagalan bago ako makabalik ulit sa gym. hayyyst… 16. I got fond of having my classmates/crushes/teachers/friends fill up numerous slumbooks I had when I was in elementary and high school. Well, most of us have filled out or owned slumbooks back then right? 17. I still keep some very old pictures and memorabilia which dates, I think way, way back preschool. Sadly, though, most of my treasured collections were swept away by a freakin’ storm. I don’t remember its name anymore. 18. I miss our old place in antipolo. I heard that the people living there now, in our house back then, are all ‘macho guys’(or should I say ‘body builders’? creepy). totoo nga ba? Attention to my friends there in villa cecilia, paki-imbestiga nga. hehe 19. I haven’t seen like 2 or 3 of my inaanaks for years now. I dunno how old or how tall they are na than me! I just miss them. 20. Yes, I am quiet. This, for others makes me weird. I just don’t like talking when I don’t have anything to say ^_^ 21. I hate gossips/gossiping. Especially if the issue is not about me or anyone I know of. ^_~ 22. OC din ako sa spelling/grammar. Not that I or anyone need/s to be ‘perfect’ when I talk to them or read their work. I am also not perfect of course. Maybe i just got used to correcting myself or others’ work since i learned the basic rules during my English classes from elementary to college. 23. one of my pet peeves din is yung mga pa-cute magtext or sa text, na nadadala nila sa pagsusulat ng formal letters at sa pagsasalita (i.e., hello pow, ayokow – pwede namang ‘ayoko’ at ‘hello po’ nalang) hehehe. tsaka yung ‘po’ ng ‘po’ sa bawat sentence nalang at kahit di nakatatanda ang kausap. pasensya na, i don’t mean to be rude. These are random things about me anyway. Hehe 24. I only say “I love you” when I mean it ^_^ 25. (hay sa wakas! Tapos na! hehe) I don’t need to participate on speed dating now. happy nako *wink wink* (^u^.) |
To You…
…Who I considered my ‘first love’, who stayed with me for a year and four months, and made me the kind of person I am right now;
…Who I met and dated years back and made me feel so appreciated and liked;
…Who came back after all these years, making me realize how important I am to you;
…Who showed and taught me how to love again, even for a month;
…Who I thought was just a stranger, and eventually became a good friend;
…Who I never knew will be my mentor, who believed in me and to what I can offer, who inspires me and makes me move forward; as long as I know you’re there to guide me, I know I will never go wrong and that I will achieve whatever it is I dream of;
…Who thought I was just another girl whom you can play with; you made me realize that I can no longer stand the type of person you have become and that I have matured to search for another;
…Who still loves me despite of the circumstances we’ve been through, and made me aware of how you feel;
…Who don’t appreciate a single thing I do; you made me realize that I have so much patience stored in me
…Who I loved all this time, despite of the pain I feel whenever I don’t hear from you; you made me realize that I can just love, even without expecting anything in return
…Who loves me (whoever and wherever you are); you let me stay alive and happy longing for that day I will get to know you and spend the rest of my life with you.
To all the guys I met and been with all these years, and also to everyone of you — before this day and year ends, I just really want to say THANK YOU for coming in my life, for adding colors to my world and for joining me in this God-filled journey.
I know people come and go and leave footprints in our hearts. I’m just hoping that you will never forget, that once in your life, I walked through and touched your heart in the best way I know how.
May this new year give all of you more blessings and much love to give and receive!
Happy New Year everyone! ^_^
My Escape
6PM
Makati
We met again. That guy who always makes my heart skip a beat everytime he shows up. That guy whom I thought was the person I long been waiting for. That guy who let me fall in love again after years of being alone. That guy who brings out the best in me whenever I know he’s there to be proud of what I’ve achieved.
121409
A TEXT MESSAGE
I just received a message from him. He was confined in the hospital for 5 days. I was glad to hear from him that he’s doing fine now and I was glad that he made me aware of his situation – even if its too late.
I wanted to take care of him while he’s recovering from sickness; I wanted to be there and see him get well. I wanted him to realize that despite our contradicting schedules, I can make a way to be there for him — because I want to. But I guess, he doesn’t.
I don’t know if he’s hiding something from me. I don’t even know if he sees or feel me…
Or yeah, maybe most of you already know it. He’s just not into me.
Coz he WAS that guy. That guy…who maybe, never really fell for me…at all.
122109
SIGNING OFF
This was one of those days where I just go out and check my sites and emails in an internet cafe for about 3 to 5 hours til I feel tired and sleepy. And yeah, part of it was to see if who among my friends are online too and have a simple chat and get connected.
I saw his name pop up (Clark Kent is now online). When I checked his status – Busy. So I just gave him a short message and like asked how he was recovering from his sickness. Knowing that he wont respond right away and thinking he might not respond at all, I closed the message window after a few minutes.
But he did. After about like an hour or two, he said he was okay, though he still coughs and that he’s working while at home. I was delighted when I saw that message window active again. Its been so long that I was able to catch him online. He asked what am I doing, why am I online and if I was off for the day. I said I just waited for him to respond before I logout to know if he’s okay or if he’s already back in the office; and that my shift starts tonight from my Sunday off.
I started asking questions again – thinking it will be a good time to know him more and his plans for Christmas. I asked where will he and his family be on Christmas day. He answered he do not know yet. I asked if his siblings will go home from the states, he said he don’t know. Then he asked why do I want to know.
I learned that if someone asks you “Why do you want to know?” it means that they don’t want to answer your question and you better not insist. So when I saw that, I know I asked a wrong question. Yet I answered back, and the reason was that I just want to know more about him (his life, about his family etc).
Hence, what I thought was a good start, ended up by him – Signing off.
oOo
I felt crushed. Even if this was not the first time he did that, I felt like I was so dumbfounded this time; it was like, that’s his only way to let me know he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life at all. And it was like I was too numb to even realize and feel it through his actions.
I know I might be overanalyzing these things, but I was really hurt. As I said, it was not the first time he signs off whenever we’re in the middle of an online ‘conversation’; and this does not include yet the times that he will just suddenly stop replying after long exchange of text messages.
oOo
But you know what? This could be my first time… to let him go.
Like what Tom’s friend said in the movie 500 Days of Summer, “the only way to let a girl go (in this case, to let a guy go) is to turn him into literature”. Now that I’ve written much about him since last year, I can say that before this year ends, I am ready…
to finally move on and wait for the guy who will be worthy of this attention that I am giving him; and to whom I may finally be worthy of.
This is my escape.
I am still the captain of my ship and I am still the master of my soul.
-The End-
Posted via web from Unfold Me
He’s Gay
Since I started switching from one account to another at work, I have been eyeing a guy seated on my far-left station. He has long hair, tall enough for me (around 5’9 or something), medium built and he has nice eyes. He looks like a typical guy-next-door-who-is-maybe-a-rocker (because he also grows beard as most rockers I’ve seen).
For almost a week now, he got my attention. He was always quiet and seldom do I see him laugh with his team mates, but on this day, he did. And that changed everything. He laughs like a girl.
Uggh.
10 Annoying Text Habits to Avoid
I was about to check my Yahoo emails when this article caught my attention. I can’t keep myself from smiling or laughing everytime I remember one or two instances when I was either a victim of these type of texters or I was the one doing it. Hehehe. Read up. I know you’ll be smiling too. Ü
YOU.Speak